My Dog Ate My Homework

Aidan and I decided to indulge in the return of Burger King’s chicken fries early yesterday evening. Sitting down in the cold, stark-white booth in the middle of the eating area, we opened our respective chicken containers and gazed at the beauty of the thirteen fresh nuggets. As we began our feast, I asked Aidan if he had seen Ben’s tweets last week.

“Oh yeah, he said those were about his professor or some shit like that,” he mumbled through a mouthful of fries. I shook my head.

“Those were about Sara. Did he really say that?” I waited for him to nod. “Why the shit would he do that?”

Aidan glanced up at me. “He told Sara the same thing when she asked about it,” He stuffed his mouth with more fries. “I guess he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

I laughed, spitting chicken bits in Aidan’s direction. “Fuck that, man. If you tweet shit like that where she’s going to see it, you have to own up to it. You know what happened last time I lied to a girl about something I did?” Aidan shook his head. “I got dumped. And rightfully so. Making excuses is pussy shit, man.”

He furled his brow. “But he didn’t really lie, did he? It’s just an excuse; like, we don’t know what it’s really about.”

“I’m positive,” I said, mouth full with my sixth chicken fry. “I talked to him about it the other day.” I swallowed the last of the sixth and began the seventh. “And an excuse is a lie. Because it’s not the truth, is it?”

Aidan cocked his head before responding. “It could be,” he mumbled while sitting up in his plastic seat. “But sometimes excuses aren’t lies. They’re just extended truths that hide the ultimate truth.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, if I was late to class because I overslept after a night of, you know, drinking, I’d tell my teacher my alarm didn’t go off and I overslept. That’s true, but it’s still an excuse,” he stared into his almost empty chicken box. “It’s just not the entire truth.”

I thought it over before responding. “But if you didn’t turn in your homework because, say, you lost it, but you told your teacher ‘my dog ate my homework,’ it’d be an excuse. And a lie.”

Aidan nodded. “Right. I’d agree with that.”

“That’s what I’m saying, though. He lied about it. It wasn’t about his professor, those tweets were directed towards Sara.”

“I guess,” Aidan started, chewing on his last chicken fry. “But still. Wouldn’t you lie about it, too? I mean, it sucks to hear that shit be about you.”

“Yeah, it sucks to hear it, but it sucks to read it, too.” I savored the last bite of my chicken fry. “So really, what’s the difference?”

Aidan nodded in agreement. “It’s really more insulting to be lied to than to be tweeted about.”

I closed the chicken fry box and checked my wallet to see if I could afford another round. “Exactly. It’s a blow to your intelligence to be lied to. Like you’re not worthy of the truth or something.”

Aidan slid out of the booth, wallet in hand. “I think everyone should be entitled to the truth,” he said, walking over to the register to buy more chicken fries. “Ben’s just a pussy.”

“Yeah,” I laughed, following Aidan into the line. “Ben is quite the pussy.”